The Long Way Around

Now, as you may have noticed, there have been a lot of posts by Yours Truly with respects to Knighting members of the scooter community into the Royal Bastard Scooter Club. There may be a variety of reasons for that - perhaps some of those may involve the fact that many of my good friends in the Northern California scooter community were the subjects of these knightings. Perhaps other reasons involve the fact that I myself was asked to be a member of the Royal Bastards Scooter Club.

My own Knighting took place during the weekend of Scootouring in Sacramento, a very well respected rally hosted by the Burgandy Topz boys and girls. It's a camping rally, generally on the Saturday night, with a meet & greet on Friday.

Immediately after work, Lesli and I headed out East to Sacramento, in the notoriously disdainful Friday afternoon traffic. The ride seemed much shorter than the car drives I had been used to heading out to Sacto - perhaps a result of my immediate attentiveness to the road. Once we made it past the Richmond / Pinole area, the road opened up from the 580/80's regular bumper to bumper congestion. Two reasonably short hours later, we arrived at Lucky's driveway to a mass of folks - representatives from the Bastards, SF Scooter Girls, Modern Vespa, and other unaffiliated riders looking to have fun at Scootouring.

Refreshments were had, new hands were shook, familiar faces were hugged and the evening started up. First item of business - the Knighting.

The exact location of the Knighting was a complete black-box coming in. I suggested a Sacramento Knighting in order to ensure that more of the Bastards would be able to attend (since many members are in the Sacramento area), but I myself am not particularly familiar with the area. Lucky, unbeknownst to me, had thought of the Capital building, and was smart enough to ask ahead if they had any potential issues with having a bunch of rambunctious scooterists with a giant replica Excalibur "playing" on their doorstep. Apparently they do in fact have issues with that, so a new location was selected: Fort Sutter.

By the time we arrived, it was pitch black. We approached the fort, probably 10 or 13 strong, and stood beside one of the parapets. Lesli pulled out her camera, and Lucky spoke, prompting me to get on one knee. Ryan unsheathed the replica Excalibur and paused, with a moderately puzzled look on his face. Lucky prompts him with the first line of the initiation:

"Take one knee and repeat after me," he said. Ryan repeated the line, and I stared blankly at their faces, both very dimly lit in the Sacramento twilight.

Again, Lucky prompted. "I, Smug Bastard," to which Ryan parroted back, and I then repeated myself.

Remembering his prompt, Ryan spoke, "Declare my allegiance to the Royal Bastards..." which I yet again recited back. It was at this point that Ryan and Lucky looked at each other and it became clear that no one remembered to bring the actual knighting script.

I pulled out my Treo, complete with the power of the Intartubes, and found the Charters & Bylaws pamphlet on my email account then opened the document and passed it to Ryan for the remainder of the reading.


As always, click the pic for more pictures

The rest of the Knighting went mostly without incident, with the exclusion of the fact that the flash on the camera was caught by the reflective tape on Ryan's jacket, flooding the image in a deep white.

Immediately following, we found our way to the Friday night Meet & Greet area at a pub whose name I don't quite recall, and met up with various members of the Topz, Vespa Club of Sacramento, and locals who did not expect a group of people with a 3+ foot sword to walk into a pub. I kindly checked the sword to avoid any accidental pokings, and the socializing began. It was at the bar that I actually had an opportunity to speak to Sonia, a potential member of the Royal Bastards sponsored by Lucky.

After conferring with Lucky it was clear she would be Knighted soon - the question was - how would we do it, and when? Given her relative newness to scootering, and the displacement of her bike (a 150cc), a trip to San Francisco to be knighted would likely not be too realistic. Instead, the plan was to Knight her before Scootouring XXI began.

After the bar, we all made our way back to Lucky's place and piled into various spots on his house. At some point early in the morning, I heard a few screams coming from the living room, and went to investigate what was going on. It turns out a fairly large rat had made its way into Lucky's house, and in between Jo and Val's aero beds. Jo and Val's screams alerted Lucky, who ran in and found a bowl to trap the rat in. The rat snuck its head out of the bowl for just a moment - just enough time to be clocked over the head with a mallet. The brained rat was thrown away, and as the sunlight strained into Lucky's livingroom we noted that it was beginning to rain.

The problems began, of course, was that the rain didn't seem to be letting up. We called Sonia to make sure she was comfortable riding in the rain, then made our way out to the dock at Old Sacramento to Knight Sonia as Sassy Bastard.

At the river, we met up with Sonia and her beau, Conrad, and the Knighting took place. The script was read appropriately (from a piece of paper, no less), and Sonia was duly excited. I had never seen Old Sacramento so vacant and barren, but the cold breeze and light drizzle provided the perfect backdrop for the entry of Sassy Bastard. Within no time, the sword was passed, and we rode our separate ways.

The group reconvened and laid low until the official meeting time for Scootouring, though the rain kept increasing in strength. It seemed less and less likely that those of us with poor wet weather gear would be interested in staying, but we all decided as a group (sans Sassy - she was otherwise occupied with prior commitments) to ride to the meeting place and call an audible.

For the first five or so minutes of the ride to the cafe meeting place, the same mist that hovered around Sonia's Knighting hovered about, but as we neared the locale the mist gave way to sheets of rain, soaking all of us who had no wet weather gear.  Les and Julie got hit among the worst, and almost immediately after reaching the parking lot we sought shelter from the downpour.  Les and I shared my raingear while the rest of the group readied their own.

After a few minutes of chatting up the Topz, it became clear that for a few of us, this rally was not in the cards.  Ryan, Les, Julie, Lucky and I hitched back towards Lucky's for an impromptu trip to Lake Tahoe, for some gambling and scouting for our future rally.

Now, I could elucidate on those shenanigans.  Normally I would, but I think in many ways, I've prolonged this entry by quite a lot, and plus, the length of this is becoming unwieldy.  I have limited patience, after all, as I'm sure most who are reading this have as well.  The point is, pretty pictures that you can click on and get a chuckle from.

Thusly, it's happened.

Right now my room has the faintest hint of the odor of leather. I recently picked up a Tour Master Coaster series II jacket. It's a café-racer style jacket with a light brown stripe across the chest and back, and also along the arms. I instantly fell in love with the aesthetics, and found it on NewEnough.com for a reasonable sum. A few keystrokes later and I had my order in on Wednesday, got it next day with free delivery. Can't say I'll complain.

NewEnough, by the way, allows me to make a $1 donation for everything I buy to a referring site. Of course, I chose ModernVespa.com and I suggest that, if you order with them, you do the same.

Nonetheless, not only am I one jacket richer (or is that, $200 poorer), I also received a special added bonus in the mail today: the new title to the Elite 250 (Starbuck). Whilst it was not as if I hadn't owned the bike before, there's something special and meaningful about receiving the title in the mail. It's now, without the slightest question, mine, to be done with as I wish. Unfortunately, for the time being, that means hiding in it in a garage for a while until I have time to make something with it.

But she is mine, oh yes - she is mine.

In the mean time, the 3 Peaks Challenge is in 2 days and the weather prediction has not been particularly positive as of late yesterday / today. Says "PM rain" whatever that means, but who knows. I'm hoping it's nothing and that it all settles down, as I'm particularly interested in this ride. At the last peak (Mt. Tam), Ryan's being knighted into the Royal Bastards as "Dreaded Bastard". I should definitely be there for that. I'd let people know when it was happening, if only I had any idea when the group would actually reach Mt. Tam. I really do hope it doesn't rain as that may cause me to not ride.

So, the boys from Vespa Club of Los Gatos are organizing a 3 peak challenge.  The details are as follows:

"VCLG is scheduling our annual 3 Peaks ride on Sat. April 7, 2007. We'll get to the top of Mt Hamilton, Mt Diablo & Mt Tam in 1 day starting from Bite of Wyoming @ 9:00 in San Jose and ending at Mt Tam. "

Sounds like a good frickin' time!  'cept, if you look at the weather, it's gonna rain.  Or so they say.  We're a bit far out right now for these weather reports to truly be accurate (or, as accurate as any weather "prediction" could ever truly be).  The ride is approximately 270 mi, 180 of which are on twisty mountain roads.  To make things tougher, there's a bridge crossing.



Here's where I relate a little story from about a year back that apparently I didn't actually blog about but I could have sworn I had.  The scene is Christmas day of 2005.  I think.  Sounds about right.  Anyway, I had purchased the Atlantic 500 recently, and per request of my family, I decided to go ahead and spend time with them on the holiday (ignoring the fact that I do not practice any religion, and I would most certainly get into it about something with someone when spending time with the family).  My family lives fairly close, in Marin County.

Living in San Francisco, I had to cross the Golden Gate Bridge, a bridge I've crossed approximately 28.7 billion times and have little qualms of doing so, provided the weather is decent.  This ride is the reason why I have such a caveat.  The weather, as I departed from my apartment, was overcast with mist that hung in the air, suspended as if frozen in time until I ran through it and it obscured the view from my face shield.  By the time I reached Lake and Park Presidio, the weather had worsened though - it was already actively starting to rain.  Immediately I began to lament not bringing my rain gear - only my partially water resistant jacket and my water resistant armored pants.  What I would come to regret more, though, was the actual bridge itself.

The bridge, as per the norm, was covered in a sheet of fog, and the wind was blowing the rain against my helmet in sharp percussive jolts.  I crossed through the toll gates and continued in the center lane Northbound at an even 45mph.  As I neared the second tower, though - the wind began to pick up.  In my side view, I could see a car approaching from behind at about 65mph.  The car began to pass me as we both passed under the tower.  Coming out of the tower, I rode over one of the metal bridge joints at approximately the same exact second that a ~20mph or so gust of wind hit the broad side of the Atlantic.

The Atlantic, for your reference, was 425lbs dry and had a fair sized 14" front wheel and I believe either a 13" or 14" rear.  A far cry larger of a bike than my Vespa GT200L.  With the wind, immediately I noted what felt like a slip from the underneath of the vehicle over the incredibly wet and slick metal grate.  Imagine:  hold your cell phone, face down, antenna pointing at you.  Now rotate it clockwise, and that's basically what it felt like the Atlantic was doing at 45mph in the center lane of the Golden Gate Bridge while raining.

I was tossed within a half a second into the left lane, where the car ahead of me had been but 3 seconds prior.  He was probably a good 20 ft ahead of me, but applied his brakes as he too surely felt the gust that had a much harder time pushing aside his 3500lb cage.  Had he been by my side, I would have been introduced to his rather solid-looking passenger side door, and potentially to the underneath of his rear right tire.  Nevermind that another car was no more than 10 feet behind me, just waiting to make me a bridgeway pancake if I were to have dropped the Atlantic.  It's not like people actually watch out for a person who spills directly in front of them.

That was probably the most terrifying moment I've had on a bike without actually dumping, and even the time that I dumped wasn't exactly an "Extreme Pucker" moment.  By the time I got to the 101 freeway up the Waldo Grade, my adrenaline was pumped into high gear and my body was shaking.  I still had 20 miles left to go on 101 to get to the actual Christmas dinner.



Since then, I've pretty much exclusively ridden bridges only when it's been dry.  The ride mentioned above sounds exactly like something I'd love to do, with the exception of the horrible gloomy death that could occur when crossing the Richmond or Bay Bridges, as the ride may necessitate.  So if it rains, I'm out.  Gone.  See ya.  Call me a pussy, call me a wuss, call me a ponce.  Call me whatever.  But I'm not crossing on the Westbound span of either of those bridges in the rain.

Oh yeah, and trying to negotiate 180 miles of twisties while having to clean off my face shield every minute or two doesn't exactly sound like a rip-roaring time to me, either.